Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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