are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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