So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
