How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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