Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
