So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
