i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize