I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
