I'm lost and stupid without you.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We are two peas in an std pod
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
