are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
