The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
