Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
