sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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