tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
