There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
