the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
