Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
