I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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