I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
