Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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