The maid of honor just puked.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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