Got a toothbrush?
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize