I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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