My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
