First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
