My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
