im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I love you. Go after that dick
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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