So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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