Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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