She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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