you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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