so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
