On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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