So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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