your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
