mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
