So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
