I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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