This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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