Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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