actually, I'm a sock model
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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