Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
