Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
