I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
