Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
