Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
