the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
