I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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