Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
