why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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