ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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