This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
