My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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