I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
