Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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