drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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