took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
