he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
