I think i peed on brittanys purse
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
