if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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