Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
