There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
