He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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