Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
