how can u be prego again
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
