Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
