Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
