I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
