mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
birth control should be required to get into college
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
