I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
