her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
