Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize