someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize
