Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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