my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
