I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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