..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
