You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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