Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
