if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
