and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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