He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
