just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
