he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
