I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
