i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
