The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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