I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
