i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize