I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
